Faith Joanne

I’m alive, I’m breathing……

I’m alive and you’re not
It just hit me like a ton of bricks
It brought me to my knees, again
Like the night I heard you were gone
I crumpled, I fell, my face in my hands
Willing it not to be true, but it was
I wish with all my heart I could have stopped you
But I couldn’t, nobody could
Your pain, becomes my pain
It’s harrowing, it cuts deep, it bleeds
There’s no way out, you need a release
I breathe in and out, I pant
You no longer can, that squeezes my heart
I wish I had you for one more day
We’d be girls together, laugh together
I could hold you, and imagine it was forever

Hypomania, gone wild

You say you know me
But do you really, 
Know me ? 
I have so many faces
Some I show
Some I hide
I’m the phantom of the opera
My mask is firmly on
My scars are hidden
Do you see them ? 
I’m the smiler
I’m the giver
I’m the fun loving
party goer
dancing queen
cocktail king
Yes I’m Tom Cruise with tits
Have you tried,
My slippery nipple shooter ? 
I’m the one who holds your hand
The one always on the end of the phone
I’ll sit with you, 
While you get a doctor’s diagnosis
I’m there
When you get that job
Meet your ideal man
Get the keys to your new home
You’re thinking, who am I ?
Am I an angel ?
Am I real ? 
or something in your imagination ? 
They say, be your own best friend
That’s great
But sometimes, 
I really need a human
To be that person
I am to everyone else
Do you know what to do ? 
when I say here we go again – 
wild times
crazy sex
No end to spending
I’m a goddess
I’m wonder woman
I’m a burlesque dancer
I’m a famous poet
I’m anything you want me to be !
Do you know, 
How to handle me ? 
When I can’t stop talking
When I ring ten times a day
When I say,
I’ll run your business for you, 
Paris, London, New York
I accumulate new friends
New lovers
New interests
More drinking
More partying
Can we dress up ? 
Can I surprise you ? 
Do you stick around ? 
Or am I too much ? 
When I argue over nothing
I’m so irritable
I even annoy myself
When I wake far too early
Crashing and banging
Knocking things over
Dropping cups
Doing my washing
Writing, reading, singing
How many films can I watch
In one day ? 
One month ? 
When does it stop ?
When do I crash ? 
With time ………
With more medication
With support
from the professionals
Have you spent time, 
With the Police ? 
No, not this time
Tiredness is overwhelming
You can no longer stand
You fall apart
physically and mentally
You want to cry
And you don’t know why
Who’s there now ? 
Are you ? 

Flights, Issue Eight, March 2023